fakefurry:

ONLY 90’s KIDS WILL GET THIS :

  • a birth certificate with 1990-1999

succeedin:

fab                     fab        fab fab fab fab fab

fab  fab      fab   fab        fab

fab      fab fab     fab       fab fab fab

fab         fab       fab        fab

fab                     fab       fab

fab                     fab       fab fab fab fab fab

contort:

LOOK AT MY TOP

contort:

LOOK AT MY TOP

deerwoof:

first rule of fight club

  1. no fightin!…shakira shakiraaa
  • jesus: mom i told you i didn't want a big party
  • mary: THE WHOLE WORLD WILL CELEBRATE EVERY YEAR

stability:

hahaha why is harry potter flinging around a condom what is this from

bootyscientist:

nice boobs and nice ass isn’t a requirement from my girl. like i ain’t gon turn down a shawty wit a perfect personality and a beautiful face cause she don’t got no body. body is icing on the cake but pound cake ain’t got no icing and i fuck wit that heavy. 

"Fluff rice with a fork, never stir it with a spoon.
Vaseline is the best night time eye cream on the market.
You can buy alcohol and chips with your parents’ gas station credit cards.
If you force something, you’ll break it. That could be good or bad.
It’s important to read the care tags on your clothing and follow those instructions.
Related: don’t wash and dry j. crew wool sweaters.
Changing your car’s oil is not optional.
Whatever physical objects you acquire you will one day have to put into a box and move.
You’re allowed to disagree with negative feedback.
It’s always worth reading the instruction manual.
Nostalgia, like any drug, can be a poison or a remedy.
Pets are like human friends but better in every conceivable way.
Good doctors listen more than they talk.
You can’t fix a burned roux.
Floss.
Just because someone is an authority figure does not mean they are intelligent/competent/right.
Measure twice, cut once.
Get your nice jeans and dress pants tailored by a professional.
If you’re uncomfortable wearing it you will not look good.
You’re not required to drink alcohol while in a bar.
There are a few things that cure all ills: the beach, your favorite album on vinyl, and fresh garlic.
Kindness is not weakness.
Baking soda is not baking powder.
Taking Excedrin P.M. while still in public is not advisable.
Terrible people will succeed. Wonderful people will fail. The world is not fair.
Appropriate footwear is always key.
You can absolutely be too forgiving.
Real humor punches up, not down.
Reading the assigned chapters will actually help you learn the material.
There are no adults. Everyone is as clueless as you are.
Applying eyeliner well is a timeless art.
You can always leave. Awkward dates, suffocating jobs, hometowns that you outgrow, relationships that aren’t growing in the right direction.
You can always come home again.
But it won’t be the same.
Life is too short for bad books, boring movies, shitty people, and margarine.
Never underestimate the importance of eyebrows."

dx11:

rip “can you please make the last ask rebloggable?” 2007-2013

figurants:

some people were born today. hello babies welcome to the earth. you missed a bunch of stuff while you were busy not existing. jbiebs did some things you would not believe

richgaaaang:

don’t let tumblr make you believe that

- krusty krab is unfair

- mr krabs is in there

- standing at the concession

- plotting his oppression